A better way to get out of our own way
O is for Obstacles in BOLD framework for Self-coaching.
When I reflect back on perceived obstacles in my life and career – I realise that the biggest one was me.
I would let my imagination run riot and create stories in my head that prevented me from ever feeling truly content about who I was or how I showed up.
I thought I was the only one and tried to drown mine out by adopting my biggest smile with a ‘heads down and make it perfect’ approach to my work.
Deep down, the work never felt good enough and I didn’t realise there was anything I could do to stop thinking this way.
What a relief to discover I was not the only one.
Truth is, we ALL have these nagging inner critics in our heads, scorning our actions and sabotaging our dreams. The bad news is they will never stop trying to rear their ugly heads. The best we can ever to do is learn strategies to get a handle on them.
AND of course, when it comes to High Achievers, of course they show up in glorious technicolour – often being cheeky enough to make out they are the reason for our success: It’s your… (fill in the gap) relentless drive/refusal to give up/fear of failure/desire to win… that got you where you are now… where would you be without it?
Right now, still in Lockdown, in the middle of Mental Health Awareness week, is the perfect time to reflect on the particular obstacles blocking our paths.
What inner critics are we are fed up of dealing with?
And more importantly - what do we want to do about them?
Three quick self-coaching approaches I recommend that are super easy to get your head around:
1. Befriend them
Remember these critics are NOT you – they are sabotaging voices that originate from the most primitive part of your brain, there to keep you small and safe. Detach yourself from them by making them your friend –give them a name so that when they show up, you can stand down their self-sabotaging advice politely.
2. Bamboozle them
Turn what seems like a negative situation on its head and ask yourself “What is the gift here?”
This is a great way to take something negative and re-frame it to something positive that you can learn from or show gratitude for.
3. Pre-empt
Once you get more familiar with when and how your inner critics are likely to appear, create a pre-emptive strike in the form of ‘If inner critic x appears, then I will do y and select a behaviour in advance. This is a great way to train your brain how to behave in potentially threatening situations.
Any work we can do to get more familiar with how we get in our own way and how to get out of it, can only be a good thing. To find out more about yours, take this short quiz.