The Value in our Values

Have you ever wondered why you just didn’t gel with someone, despite your best efforts? Have you ever just felt that you didn’t fit in somewhere, even though during the interview process everything appeared just fine? Chances are you were facing a values clash. As the name suggests, a values clash occurs when our values system – our way of behaving or believing that we hold most important – comes up against an individual or culture that behaves or believes differently. 

them and assess the extent to which we are honouring them in our lives and careers, is not only a sure-fire way to gain a solid footing in this unpredictable world of ours, but also a guaranteed strategy to gain a clearer personal perspective on what really matters. 

Not in a one-off “oh I don’t agree with that” fashion but in a more subtle, underlying ethos challenging kind of way. We form our values subconsciously; an indefinable outcome of familial, educational and social influences as we grow up. Our values remain constant and personal to us throughout our lives, although their significance can vary according to life stage. Values form the basis of how we conduct lives, choose partners, educate offspring, enjoy careers, manage teams and lead companies. Values are the invisible glue that can bond relationships, businesses and societies.  Or unstick them. Think of it this way: We are all individuals with our respective values systems. We work with other individuals who all have theirs. 

We then form organisations that develop theirs – both formally as articulated corporate values, as well as informally via the culture that arises from the actual beliefs and behaviours that get noticed and valued internally. Scale up further, throw in the CEO and Board, each with their own values systems or even add in a President or a Prime Minister, each with theirs and you can see what an absolute melting pot of values – and values clashes - we are all unwittingly swimming in every day. 

So, given their significance, why is it that the more coaching and strategy work I do – whether with individuals or organisations – the more it becomes apparent that not only are we living lives, leading teams and running organisations, out of alignment with our values, most of the time we are not even aware of what our values are? In other words, we are leading our lives and careers, to some extent in oblivion, depriving ourselves of a great tool, because we have not made a conscious effort to familiarise ourselves with the ways of behaving and believing that we hold most important.

So why does this matter?

Because awareness gives us choice and if we have no awareness of our values, then we are missing out on a precious and personal tool that can help us take decisions, clarify direction and identify what really matters to us. 

Therefore, if we measure what we value, isn’t it odd that most of the time, we are measuring our success, happiness, fulfilment and achievements against personal criteria that we have not even taken the trouble to identify? Making the conscious effort to familiarise ourselves with your values, to prioritise